Archive for the 'habit' Category

Professor Borges

May 18, 2013

My first proofreading job in months: Professor Borges: A Course on English Literature. His lectures in the year 1966, to be published by New Directions. Halfway through the job, I took breaks to buy, download, or read the following: Boswell’s biography of Samuel Johnson, Coleridge’s “Kubla Kahn” and “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” De Quincey’s opium confessions, Eckermann’s conversations with Goethe, and so on.

Borges can convince me to read anything.

At one point, while Borges discusses biographies—Boswell’s of Johnson, Sancho Panza’s of Don Quixote—he says, “I, for example, was born the same day as Jorge Luis Borges, exactly the same day.” I gave a start. That Borges was constantly aware of the “other Borges,” as described in “Borges and I,” is touched on by Geoff Dyer in The Ongoing Moment, which I’ve been reading for the past month on my commute. I had bought this book, and another of his, about yoga (though I don’t think it’s really about yoga, I don’t know, I haven’t opened it yet, and regret the purchase), on the day I had to turn down an opportunity to study with him at a residency that, at the last minute, had changed my wait-list status to “accepted.” Later that evening I unexpectedly caught a glimpse of an old love. So when I walked into Greenlight Bookstore, drunk already on one glass of wine, I was in a mood to be careless with money. The intention was to buy all the books they had by Geoff Dyer—if I could not attend his class (I said no because of the new job), then I would send him a note of admiration, but not before I read all his books, or at least one more than I’d already read—but I bought only two, which in the end should have been one.

A Latin scholar from Columbia University once taught a class in my high school, and I took Latin 101 my freshman year. I averaged a C, chewed gum in class, and allied myself with the other female freshman in the class, Nicky, with whom I wasn’t much friendly but whose big hair fascinated me. This professor, whose name I’ve forgotten, walked in with a briefcase and cowboy boots. He was short, stocky, erudite, and looked at us with a mixture of scorn, amusement, resignation, and challenge. Why have I stooped so low? I thought he was thinking, as he lectured about declensions. But while I was intimidated and bored by his authority, noting how he favored the two A students in class, seniors, one on his way to Princeton, the other to Harvard, something of his lectures must have sunk in deep, because I scored a 100 percent on the national Latin exam that he had us all take at the end of the year as an informal exercise. There are two reasons why I, an average student, did so well on that exam: 1) I was good at standardized tests (the SATs gave me a high), and 2) without my knowing it, the professor’s many digressions, his excitement about the material, impressed themselves upon me deeply. I remember and am interested in something only if it’s delivered a certain way. I think of Joel Meyerowitz whispering into my ear a narrative about pianos and melodies as we’re stopped in front of the boat house in Central Park. I think of this Latin professor and his cowboy boots, who was my introduction to a seminar-style class in which I was not allowed to hide (though in the end, because of the force, or rather the mellow register, of my nature, I was allowed to hide). I think of Borges and these lectures about English literature, where he offers up a juicy digression now and then, steers the lecture back to the poem in question with “But let us return to the poem in question,” and repeats details from one class to the next, threads that have embedded themselves permanently in his mind’s eye, because he is by now totally blind.

Dyer recounts the following story in The Ongoing Moment: Richard Avedon, known to engage in (or claim to, at least) an active, equal participation between photographer and subject, found that the intensity of his session with Borges did not translate at all into a satisfying portrait. Later he heard that Paul Theroux’s meeting with Borges happened in almost exactly the same manner as his own had: Borges talked about his admiration for Kipling, had his visitor read a poem to him, then recited an Anglo-Saxon elegy. Avedon suddenly understood why the portrait session with Borges had been a failure: “[His] performance permitted no interchange. He had taken his own portrait long before, and I could only photograph that.” If Borges were to respond to this, he would do so with a story about Boswell and Sancho Panza, or about literary portraiture in general—that the subject is indeed complicit in the portrait, but is not necessarily on the same wavelength, or planet, as the biographer, the chronicler, the photographer, the admirer.

Moonbeams

May 15, 2013

My moons are beaming, thanks to Swarm.

My Asymptote, your Asymptote

April 29, 2013

For the past couple of months I’ve been helping put together the Spring issue of Asymptote, a free online journal that showcases literatures from around the world—and now here it is.

Please take a look. Included are an enlightening interview with Margaret Jull Costa, in which she mentions that All the Names is her favorite José Saramago novel (it’s mine too) and a gorgeous short story by Lo Kwai Cheung.

And there’s an Indiegogo campaign to help keep the journal going. The last day to donate is tomorrow, April 30.

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And so I am reading Asymptote.

Reading this journal is a balm, and an addiction. When I’d first encountered it in 2011, I was content (and had only enough time) to read the first few lines of each piece. This is how I read a collection of stories: dipping only into each first paragraph to savor what is to come later, both in the story and in the eventual act of reading it. To delve into translation, especially, is to delve into an uncanny voice, specifically into the precursors and descendants of Kafka; and I knew from the start that Asymptote offered plenty such precursors and descendants. At the close of each piece—whether Adonis’s “Ambiguity”; Lin Yaode’s “Hotel”; Josh Honn’s review of César Aira’s The Miracle Cures of Dr. Aira; Xi Chuan’s Notes on the Mosquito; Quim Monzó’s “Life Is So Short”; Alejandro Zambra’s “The Cyclops”; or, finally, Vasily Grossman’s “An Armenian Sketchbook”—I felt a familiar shift in my mental horizon. Something new, yet recognizable, was experienced, something worth repeating.

Five stand-outs for me are Gérard Macé’s “The Museum of Shadows”; Aleš Debeljak’s Smugglers poems; Mariët Meester’s “The Protagonist”; Reif Larsen’s “The Generosity of a Matchstick”; and Araya Rasdjarmrearnsook’s “The Class, Death Seminar.”

1. “The Museum of Shadows”: At first I’d read this as fiction. The very best prose reads with no such distinctions made. The work of such brilliances as Sebald, Pierre Michon, David Albhari, Andzrej Stasiuk, and Clarice Lispector emphasize voice, story, a narrator troubled by the puzzle(s) laid out before him or her. Macé’s work belongs here.

2. From Smugglers: When I came across the poem called “Anchor,” its first watery lines—“To wake up, but not quite yet, I would just hang on the edge, / holding on to the sail and taking the captain at his word, / I would faithfully roll and stretch the ropes, as I had been taught, / a shadow which refuses to separate the man, a world in balance.”—brought to mind the first few chapters of a novel called Log of the S.S. The Mrs. Unguentine, narrated by a melancholic woman stranded on an ecotonic boat with her grand party of a garden swaying before her. On the first page she watches her husband, her captain, whom she’d been taking at his word for the past forty years, jump overboard along with maps, civilization, and sanity.

Then I read the rest of “Anchor” and discovered it to exist on its own, to be its own thing, its own drifting body—of water, of land ho, of endless sky. And behold: twice, the gift of a decisive “What a mistake,” the echo occurring in the final stanza:

What a mistake. To wake up, but not quite yet, you must gather
all your courage, shiver with anxiety and be almost mad, the fall
will be deep, if your hands fail you, especially if you have no guardian.
I would not wake up, not at all: I would rather float like a judgment
                 postponed.

3. “The Protagonist”: A generous piece about relationships, how our protagonist is humanized and humbled in the face of honoring art.

4. “The Generosity of a Matchstick”: It’s no coincidence that two of my favorites on this list are about museums. As I read through this, I began to understand how a press or a salon operates. That is, attention to a special sort of detail, curiosity, and, indeed, generosity must be given to these words that emblematize the time, or rather a particular time. Asymptote publishes pieces that comment directly on such curating.

5. “The Class, Death Seminar”: This is not merely a comment about our fascination with death; it is an exercise in empathy. To empathize with the dead up close is to live among them. Aren’t the dead supposed to be the ones to school us in life? Instead, Rasdjarmrearnsook teaches us to teach them how to savor it. What an astonishing bit of bravado.

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A young friend’s first novel has just been published in Spanish. He is in New York on a fellowship, and in 2012 was awarded the Alejo Carpentier Prize. He wants to show me his work, but I keep asking him for a translation. Okay, he says, maybe later.

I feel such urgency for translation, for having others recognize the gift of it. But the process is characterized and influenced by time. Time must pass in order for a translation to occur and to be understood. Maybe later in fact means It is happening right now.

Asymptote is compelling to me for a simple reason: the works it curates translate—so to speak—into a single modern sensibility. That is, each piece is part of a disparate whole. Not one seems to be unrelated to the other. The thread, the flow, is clear, each piece connected by strength of voice, characterization, direction, absurdity. This is why I am drawn to translation. Not only does it give access to a world foreign to my own, or at least to what I’m familiar with, but it also strengthens this web of Kafka’s literary heritage, or the heritage of ghosts.

And today, Sebald’s heritage is deep.

Other Asymptote favorites: Aditi Machado’s review of Amina Saïd’s The Present Tense of the World: Poems 2000–2009; and Simon Lewty’s “Two Adventures in Translation”; and Chang Hui-Ching’s “War Among the Insects”; and Gen’yū Sōkyū’s “Is It Possible to Fear Properly?”; and Aamer Hussein’s “Knotted Tongue”; and— Well, I’ll stop here.

But of course I must add Shen Congwen’s “Family Letters,” José Saramago’s Small Memories excerpt, and Liao Yiwu’s “God Is Red.”

And this, especially, in the current issue: an English translation of an open letter penned by the writer Jonas Hassen Khemiri to Swedish Minister of Justice Beatrice Ask following her recent public comments on a controversial immigrant policy known as Project REVA. He challenges Ask to switch skins with him and experience his experiences from age six through adulthood. The original Swedish letter ran in the Stockholm paper Dagens Nyheter on March 13. By the end of that day it had broken the record for most-shared DN.searticle on social media. According to a DN article about the story, it was shared on Twitter enough times to theoretically have reached every Swede with a Twitter account.

This account is now available to English readers for the first time via a translation Asymptote especially commissioned.

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May I ask you to share any of this, and the rest of the journal, with your friends, followers, lovers, families, students, FB, Tumblr, &c.? Please do.

Again: the Indiegogo campaign. Any donation is welcome. The journal is funded by labors of love, and every little bit helps.

Protected: Dancers

April 26, 2013

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Small routes

April 7, 2013

I’m convinced I am the small route.

One short story, recently, in Kartika Review.

An acceptance tonight, of “Moonbeams,” two pages, from the very young Swarm Quarterly. Forthcoming in May.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to you.

We are all small routes. No, that’s not true. But remember the small routes. They are important, because they lead you to wondrous places.

At the moment, I am typing this by candlelight.

Heat

March 6, 2013

On my last day in Nanchong, my aunt whom I’d met for the first time on that trip (she is younger than my father but looks a decade older than him) hugged me goodbye for a long while, and I cried in astonishment the entire car ride to Chengdu. My mother, who finds stories like “The Joy Luck Club” and “The Road Home” to be overly sentimental, held my hand beside me in silence. I’m known as the crybaby in the family, but she did not tease me or report to the rest of the family at later gatherings how the parting had affected me. I’d been dry- and wide-eyed during the trip until that point—a feat—but my aunt’s hug had taken me by surprise.

On that last day with my father’s family, we’d eaten at yet another hot-pot spot, this time on a boat. I said no to third and fourth helpings of oil and chilies, of “ma” and “la,” dismayed, alas, to be in their aromatic company, for my pores had never yearned more to be less coated, my gut to be less burning, the backs of my eyeballs to be less prone to metaphysical flights of fiery fancy. Twice on the trip my insides protested to the churning oils; even my father, who enjoys the opportunity to sweat from a Sichuanese dinner, had reached his limit by that final day with his family. So when my parents and I settled into Chengdu for three days on our own before returning to New York, the first meal we ordered was a mild beef noodle soup.

And now Matt Gross does spice in Chengdu.

When home found me

January 23, 2013

I found my home in 2011 when I moved to Sunset Park. Before that, I was living in the center of Manhattan. It took me fourteen years to realize that the center of Manhattan was nowhere I wanted to be. Moving to another borough was cathartic but of course represented a specific sort of trauma. Moving to the apartment below my best friend represented another. A little more than a year has now passed, and most if not all of the pieces of the habitation puzzle have clicked into place. I have gained two more best friends in the process. The four of us had a birthday brunch last Sunday. We knew one another’s pauses, hiccups, chirrups, hurrahs. For a middle child, this is heaven. At the moment I call it a nighttime heaven. I mean I see brilliant stars everywhere I turn, since nighttime is my favorite time of day. When home finds you, you will never want to leave. “Never” is a long time, and an unreliable qualifier, but since I tend to love a long time, and am an unreliable narrator, it’s okay.

Please read Suzanne Guillette’s deep, rich interviews about various beautiful homes throughout New York City.

Study in squares

January 8, 2013

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Amour

January 6, 2013

My parents visited me today. Dad, eighty-something, had a cold, and slept on my bed for an hour, while Mom, sixty-something, looked through my photos of Istanbul and then folded my laundry. I have several photographs of them holding hands walking either away from me or toward me. I suppose I take only photographs of them when they’re holding hands. The gesture still has the power to surprise me, because Mom can be a little shrill with Dad sometimes and because I’ve wondered whether Dad, in the past, ever resented her shrillness. But Mom said to me once, “You are not allowed to judge our relationship.” So I no longer judge it, just as I try not to judge others’. A coherent relationship is so much more than the sum of dissatisfactions, tiffs, and compromises—there is the comfort of habit, of a shared language, even if you don’t speak the same language, even if you don’t think the two are themselves speaking the same language. When I saw them today, Mom berated Dad for taking cold medicine during the day. In another household close to me, the woman has been berating her husband for not drinking water to stay hydrated.

I have faith in love.

Rather, I have faith in togetherness.

A couple of years ago in San Francisco, when I missed my flight back to New York and couldn’t reach Anna Shapiro, my dear host, I walked into a theater with my suitcase to take in The White Ribbon. When I stepped out of the theater, it was evening and Anna had left me a message. I returned to her parents’ house, ecstatic to discover the world just a little less moored than two hours before, and dismissed any worry about the rest of the week, year, life.

Now Haneke has created Amour.

I’m told there are no spoilers in Teju Cole’s review of the film, but I won’t read it yet anyway, till after I watch it on Thursday.

Nostalgia

January 4, 2013

On my commute this morning, I read from an e-reader. I’d left my proofreading at home, and panicked that I wouldn’t make Monday’s deadline—forty-five minutes, to and from work, equals roughly fifty pages—then remembered that I’d e-mailed myself the book’s PDF and could access it on the reader. The entire experience felt strange and a little illicit, even though today you’ll find most people on their commutes using e-readers as books and game consoles (never the latter, I’ve vowed). Two months ago, for a while I was carrying three or four slim books everywhere, including the requisite exquisite Aira; I had picked up multireading again. I don’t think today’s divergence will change that, though lately my considerations for book purchases have leaned towards e-readerly texts (only I can’t find anything I want, such as Andrzej Stasiuk’s Fado, which would have helped me traverse Istanbul’s cobblestones a lot faster, a lot slower, a lot more internally and congruently).

Meanwhile, Ken Chen begins his introduction to Drunken Boat #16 with “And so” and ends it with the following sentence: “The only thing all these selves [in this issue] have in common is walking through the streets of the cities of the world.”

Indeed: when we “And so,” we are walking through the streets and thinking about things we’ve lost to the past. Or not thinking so much as reentering. We are reentering the path of our thoughts in the wake of these thoughts.

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Again, my group of photographs in this issue.

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